Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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