i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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