and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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