I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
