I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
