Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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