dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
