Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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