WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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