They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
