last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
