Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
