So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
