There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
