Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
