i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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