Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
