So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
zippers are such a cool invention
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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