I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
