Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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