I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
high people should be assigned attendants
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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