I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
babies were throwing up all over the place
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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