Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
