I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
