yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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