i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
