I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
