you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
