That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
