I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
