Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
