trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
