She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
