i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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