did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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