I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
