Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
