I got chris browned last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
