Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
