well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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