What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
