Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
