He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
