Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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