yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
