yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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