I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
