I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
