ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
