dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
