So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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