I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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