if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
