I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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