Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
