if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize