Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
