If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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