There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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