I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
