the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
