All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
