I love black thongs
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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