I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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