I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
