I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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