smell my finger.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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