Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
