FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
