I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
