Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
