I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
