this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Vodka?
Forever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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